LOVED Juno!

I'm a terrible blog mother and have been neglecting you tooooooo much! I just had a tough time, getting my AF, toppling me into my ninth month of trying. Now I'm starting to get back into it, living in that one week wait - feeling hope alternating with fear. Fear of the Big Bad Witch.

Anyways, just saw Juno and LOVED IT! Jennifer Garner was amazing in it, depicting an infertile woman - the raw emotion; the desperation; the 'on the edge of madness' - summed it up totally.

As for me, am expecting AF early next week. Am having a good month, in that I feel like I might be pregnant. Weird cos my bbs aren't sore and they have been by this time the past few months (am on CD25ish). CM isn't as much as it is at this time. Combined with tiredness, backache and a strange feeling, I'm cautiously optimistic.

x

Like sticking needles in my eyes

So onto my 10th month of TTCing. Yep, the big bad witch got me. I feel particularly down this month and I think it's cos we did the deed (ah-hem!!!) soooooooooooo much, it's almost like 'for chrissakes, what does it take?!'

And, of course, it's that goddamn awful fear of there being something wrong, the chances of which increase with every month that we don't get pregnant.

We also only have 3 months left till it's been a year of trying - and I know, if I'm not pregnant by November, it'll be real tough. Like sticking needles in my eyes.

Speaking of which, am thinking about acupuncture. Have read so much good stuff about it. I just wanna feel like I'm doing something ... I said yesterday that this month, we'd take it real casual and we will. But I'm also keen on looking into an alternative therapies, sorting out my head ...

Have emailed 2 local acupunturists who have all the legit qualifications, are members of the right organisations and specialise in fertility. The only concern, really, is money. It's rather expensive ...

Anyway, let's see what they say, hey? x

Going nowhere fast

CD28 - Just had some spotting. Who am I kidding, I KNOW I'm not pregnant this month, I've known for a week cos that's what happens, you see? I just KNOW every month.

But what I really wanna know is can The Terminator and I have children? That's all I need to know.

I'm terrified the answer is no.

x

Fag-end of my cycle

So, we arrive at the fag-end of my cycle, CD27. And I feel pretty unpregnant, bar the occasional twinge. So not holding out much hope.

What can I say really? In a way, I have run out of things to say because this TTC journey has become so familar to me. I've reached the stage where I can enjoy a comfortable silence with my TTCing self - patient, calm, accepting.

I'll keep you posted ... x

Nicole Kidman has given birth!!

Nicole Kidman gave birth to a little girl and has called it Sunday Rose Kidman Urban. There's a rumour she named her after the day she was conceived.

That got me thinking. The number of days me and The Terminator have done the deed to get preggers this month, we'd have to call it ... MondayTuesdayWednesdayThursdayFridaySaturdaySunday!

x

Gods of fertility

So I'm sitting here, all tanned and chubby from too much Tzaziki and Moussaka!! Yep, holybops was fabby, so nice to get away and spend some quality time with The Terminator.

I thought about TTCing a lot while out there. Or, specifically, starting a family. All around us were content-looking families; tanned and toddling babies, wide-eyed with excitement at the sand and the sea and buckets and spades. Cheeky kids, running around the pool and learning how to swim. I yearned, yearned, yearned to be a family like that one day too.

The Terminator talked about it all a lot too, which he doesn't really do much. I caught him watching families with a look of yearning in his eyes too. I told him we're doing the Sperm Meets Egg plan this month (google it) and he was all for it, and 100% interested in what it all meant. He really wants me to get pregnant.

I really want to too but with each month that goes by, it seems like a far away mirage, shimmering in the heat. It doesn't seem possible and I wonder whether we ever can.

We also talked about moving away, to the coast or even abroad. I've been getting excited about the idea. Something to distract my mind from TTCing. But found out today that The Terminator got a fab promotion at work which means more sociable hours and more challenges. It's wonderful news but means a hold on our moving plans.

Gods of Fertility, get me preggo this month. Please o please. x

Hello u nasty witch

Yep, AF again. Ninth month. Feel alright as off on holypops.

Asked a few preggo girls on a forum who tried for more than 9 months what they did differently. Two things came out strong and clear: stopped trying or BD'd throughout month, not just O.

Hmmmmm, second one is doable, first ... as long as we continue not to use contraception, we're trying!!!!!

Holybops soon so u all take care, onto the next cycle. x